I give up.

And even though the rain has stopped I still feel as though I am storming inside. My heart aches. There’s no reason for it. Other than I am currently in an emotional slump.
I can’t seem to drag myself out of the shadows. Everytime I think that I have something else goes wrong. I am not sure why I got this way to start with, and it seems to be only little things that set me off. Like someone saying something I didn’t like or something that hasn’t gone my way. These are all things that occur in everyday life for all people. But for some reason I can’t deal with the normal things like everyone else.
For some reason if something isn’t right I become anxious and I begin to feel sick in the stomach, my hands sweat, I shake, and my thoughts start to run a million miles an hour. My mood differs with the situation I am in and for most people see me, they see a moody bitchy woman that really needs a life.
I feel like just giving up and resigning to be a moody hermit with a pack of mixed breed dogs.

Published in: on September 7, 2008 at 8:47 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Late and still awake.

Yet again it is one of those nights were sleep is avoiding me. Everything around me sleeps. All that breathes do so at a restful state. Everything except me.
I lay in my bed as I write this. Hoping my eyes will become sleepy from the screen. Wishful thinking I’m sure, but I must keep my hands moving when I feel like this. Otherwise my feet become restless and I start to twitch and fidget. Perhaps I am just mad. Maybe I don’t sleep because I am more afraid of closing my eyes than I am pondering the posibility of living the rest of my life half asleep. To my way of thinking the concept is ridiculous, so I am fairly sure that any sane person would feel the same way.
I know I can’t just give up on life. My problem is I don’t know what else to do.

Published in: on September 2, 2008 at 2:22 am  Leave a Comment  
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