Feelings of hurt

I feel as though my heart is going to explode. I feel the pain of loss and the shadows are creeping in fast. Why dies it keep haunting me? Making the ache in my heart awaken? What have I done to deserve this?
By this, I mean the nitemares, and the pain of memories dredged up from my past.
Why can’t I just have 1 decent notes sleep? Is that really too much to ask?

Published in: on October 2, 2008 at 11:20 am  Leave a Comment  
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Heros again (marathon cont.)

The marathon continues!
I am begining to become adicted to this show. Airing today on fox on the sci-fi channel is the second half of the first series of Heros. It’s a continuation of last Saturdays marathon. Peter and his brother Nathan have given themselves to save New York City. Claire is back with her adopted family. Mohinda has a new charge in his life and perhaps now a new destiny. Jessica/Niki her guy and her son, most likely after a trip to the hospital to continue their lives. Hiro and Ando stopped the bomb, and the rogue cop can now retun to his pregnant wife.
Sylar, the bad guy, of course got away in an all familiar scenario by slithering down into the merky depths of the sewer. Well that was no suprise he is the bad guy afterall and we killed him once! Plenty of villan finess leftover for series 2!
They are all heros. But will they fight for the greater good forever?

Published in: on September 13, 2008 at 1:08 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Down in the dumps.

Why is it when things start to look up everything always seems to fall to shot:(

Published in: on September 9, 2008 at 3:48 pm  Leave a Comment  
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I give up.

And even though the rain has stopped I still feel as though I am storming inside. My heart aches. There’s no reason for it. Other than I am currently in an emotional slump.
I can’t seem to drag myself out of the shadows. Everytime I think that I have something else goes wrong. I am not sure why I got this way to start with, and it seems to be only little things that set me off. Like someone saying something I didn’t like or something that hasn’t gone my way. These are all things that occur in everyday life for all people. But for some reason I can’t deal with the normal things like everyone else.
For some reason if something isn’t right I become anxious and I begin to feel sick in the stomach, my hands sweat, I shake, and my thoughts start to run a million miles an hour. My mood differs with the situation I am in and for most people see me, they see a moody bitchy woman that really needs a life.
I feel like just giving up and resigning to be a moody hermit with a pack of mixed breed dogs.

Published in: on September 7, 2008 at 8:47 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Heros tv series marathon

Heros is a tv series which is a few years old now, but is currently airing the first season in a marathon tonite! I have to admit this series has been brilliantly written and brings fantasy and imagination to life easily. Heros gets a 5 star rating from me.

Published in: on September 7, 2008 at 1:03 am  Leave a Comment  
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Short staffed and stressed out

Tonite at work has just been awful, and I think the reason behind it was mostly managerial crap. As far as I can tell the nursing unit mangers at the hospital were I work at are all in dispute over personal falling outs, as well as pressure from the owners to cost cut. So they have been mean, and I had no extra staff person to help care for the 10 pateints on my own.
There were a few independant but otherwise they need a fair amount of hands on nursing care. I feel that I didn’t give each of my patients the apropriate care they equally deserve. I was totally stressed out the entire shift. But I was fortunate enough to have a good nurse and a new friend working with me tonite and she worked just as hard as I did. She also had 6 patients of her own to care for. I felt secure in that she is a senior nurse and therefore I had support. But still that is not the point.
Perhaps if I wasn’t feeling sick also I may have been able to handle the situation better somehow.
Overall I think the whole hospital is in need of a full overhall. Maybe just a change in managenment. Something. They need to do something, anything. As long as they don’t remain stagnant with no change at all….. We will see…… Time will tell as always….. Wish me luck!

Published in: on September 6, 2008 at 12:34 am  Leave a Comment  
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My Gog!

Buddy is the most pampered pooch I know and is also my best friend. He is a Maltese terrior cross maltese foxie. He is 3 years old and he has been a part of my life since he was 12 weeks.
Now there are many words that toddlers are unable to say, and can sometimes come out as something cute or sometimes embarrasing! My 2 year old neice was unable to say dog, and instead said “Gog”. We all thought it was that hilarious that he has been known as a Gog ever since!
Now u can’t say that face isn’t cute!

Published in: on September 2, 2008 at 10:47 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Late and still awake.

Yet again it is one of those nights were sleep is avoiding me. Everything around me sleeps. All that breathes do so at a restful state. Everything except me.
I lay in my bed as I write this. Hoping my eyes will become sleepy from the screen. Wishful thinking I’m sure, but I must keep my hands moving when I feel like this. Otherwise my feet become restless and I start to twitch and fidget. Perhaps I am just mad. Maybe I don’t sleep because I am more afraid of closing my eyes than I am pondering the posibility of living the rest of my life half asleep. To my way of thinking the concept is ridiculous, so I am fairly sure that any sane person would feel the same way.
I know I can’t just give up on life. My problem is I don’t know what else to do.

Published in: on September 2, 2008 at 2:22 am  Leave a Comment  
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Hello world!

My very first blog on my new site!

I am a fanatical writer and love to write about just about anything. I hope that one day I will be able to publish some of my work. I am in the process of working on a novel which I intend to post as I write it. I also have a few bits and pieces on tarot and the fey to share as well as daily posts of thoughts and opinions or just daily life. What ever I feel the need to do. Please feel free to browse and just enjoy.


Published in: on September 1, 2008 at 7:29 am  Leave a Comment  
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